she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
