Umm I'm too high to move.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
