mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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