Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We are two peas in an std pod
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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