I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
