i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I take back everything I said about communal showers
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
