I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
