I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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