I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
the liver wants what the liver wants
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
