Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
