insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
