dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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