Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
