If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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