I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
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Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
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Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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