i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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