I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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