Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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