i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
