Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
