We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
