Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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