I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
