I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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