I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
