his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just invented taco cereal.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
