That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
