drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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