I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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