It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
