you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
