Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
you never un-have a 4some
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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