I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
