nut hugger
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
