This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize