i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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