i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
