Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
