i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I have demons in me.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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