i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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