God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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