im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
