There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
