Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
