i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
