So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
