Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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