i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
