I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
