I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
