and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He better not be in your backpack
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
