He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so that wasnt chicken after all
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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