i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
