Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
