sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
