if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
