pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
