Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
