so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
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Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
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I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.