This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
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One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
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Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.