I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I could fuck to npr.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties