Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(270): View more from Kentucky

T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.

(1-270): View more from Kentucky

I'm jealous

(270): View more from Kentucky

My throat feels like a candle.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her

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(804): View more from Virginia

The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.

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(850): View more from Florida

I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(916): View more from California

nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?

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(914): View more from New York

I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.

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