So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
