I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.