i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
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Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
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You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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