Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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