Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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