Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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