I wish I could teleport
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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