i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
