You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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