dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
