My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Randomize
