She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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