I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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