So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
