Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
